Alter Q: Neva Danielle
multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamwebook
Hi it is Alter Q. I woke this morning in my internal room with tears streaming down my face. The words, “She’s not for you. She’s not for you.” Were repeating in mind. It took moment for me realize I was dreaming. Then images and memories of entire dream make me cry more. This part not a dream – our dear friend has daughter who is having her first child. She has most adorable baby bump and there is much talk about baby this and baby that. As many know, I have always wanted to be Mom. Alter Cyndi’s arrival allowed me the closest experience will have at being a mother. In my dream, our friend’s daughter made choice to give baby up for adoption. We (myself, Christopher, Cita and the Gang) offered to raise the child as our own. I would be the “mom”, but her bio mom and family would be a part of the babies life as much as they could be. We would be tribe and give this baby a beautiful life. The baby was a girl and we named her Neva Danielle. Neva after a dear friend of Christine’s from school and Danielle after her bio-mom. It amazing to me how real dreams can be. I felt the warmth of this tiny being; the softness of her skin and counted each adorable tiny toe. Neva was able to recognize each of our voices and even Alter Cyndi was guided on the correct way to hold a baby. Between us all and both families, Neva never knew for want. But then something changed in my dream and people came and took her away from me. They kept saying, “She’s not for you. She’s not for you.” Then I woke feeling empty and incredibly sad; mourning a baby that is not mine.