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INTRODUCTIONS (Permanent Entry, more recent entries below)

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

Christine Pattillo: Age 51; Author and the woman with multiple personalities. Nickname Cita.

Christopher Pattillo: Age 56; Husband of Christine. We have been married 26 years. Christopher is also called Poppy by the youngest Alter Cyndi, considered Dad by Alter Chrissy and friend by the rest of the Gang.

SHE: Alter Age 30 something. We capitalize her name to help readers distinguish between SHE, her name and she the pronoun.

Rim: Alter Age 28 Female.

Tristan: Alter Age 19-20 ish.  Tristan is the only male of the Alters.

Q: Alter Age late 20’s to early 30’s Female. Q is one of two Alters that appeared when I was an adult. Q has a speech impediment and that comes through sometimes in her writing.

Chrissy: Alter Age 8.  I will try not to edit her entries, unless I think you may not understand what she’s trying to say.

Cyndi: Alter Age 2. Cyndi is the second Alter that appeared when I was an adult. Cyndi is the only Alter I lose time with.

Hope: Beloved Alter who integrated in 2007.

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Christine: End of Vacation

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamWEbook

Our vacation is dwindling down. Starting with a wonderful journey to Missoula, MT. Then we explored the beautiful state of Idaho, spending time in Orofino where our friend Shirley’s Dad grew up. The below picture is of the Dworshak Dam, just outside the city.

We spent hours driving through the stunning country sides of Idaho, below:

Ending up in Ellensburg, WA where we spend our last night of our journey.The hotel we ended up in is a tad on the creepy side, but Alters Chrissy and Cyndi were happy, because they finally ended up with a heated pool! Home tomorrow!

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Alter SHE: Pool Time in Montana

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamWE

Ok, so this is Alter SHE. We drove, with our friend Shirley to Missoula, Montana for a get away and to see our other friend Emma, who is here for the summer. Kind of a girls outing, plus 1 (Alter Tristan, who didn’t have much of a choice.) Our hotel was “economy”, but we made sure it had a pool for Alter Chrissy. Not only is it only 55* out today, but the beautiful, gi-normous pool is not heated. I give it to Chrissy for braving the frigid waters, but I told her I would not shift out unless she was in dire straights. She got into her shoulders, a painfully slow process. Don’t be fooled by the number 4 in the picture representing 4 feet. With all the rain, the pool was to the rim and was closer to five feet where she stood. She stayed in for about 20 minutes, then retreated to a hot shower in our room. It’s suppose to be nicer tomorrow, but I doubt she’ll venture to the pool again. Bummer.

 

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Christine: Just Post’n

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamWE

I like this picture for many reasons, one being that it’s cockeyed which matches my mood and state of being. 2ndly I can knowingly look at the left side of the picture and see where I cropped two inches of my buttocks off to make me look better. And 3rdly it reminds me of an evening spent with my Mom, her hubby Donald, my hubby Christopher and the Gang. It was a pre-Father’s Day get together. We had a yummy dinner and then gambled on the machines for a couple hours. I stick with $20, which is above our budget limit, but did it anyway. Then Mom donated $20 for us to play longer. Then we just watched the games, watched the people. Christopher asked us to play an additional $20. He got Alter Tristan set-up on a game called Lobstermania. It was a hoot. Soon, Tristan was up $20, $30, $50! He had bonuses that let all of the Gang spin wheels and pick buoys for special bonuses. When he was done he was able to pay back Mom, Christopher, us our original $20 and we still walked away $20 ahead. That’s our idea of gambling. We never spend big bucks and rarely expect to walk away ahead. It was a fun night and Alter Chrissy gets a big kick out of getting to push buttons and tap on screens. She thinks it’s fun that she gets to be where other kids her age aren’t allowed. Alter Cyndi slept through it mostly, which is just fine too.

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Alter Tristan: To print or not to print?

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamWE

We are out of books. Well maybe not entirely, some family have extras and we have a case at our home, but the warehouse gotz no books. So, we’re having to figure out how to pay for more books, which good business people would have planned ahead for, but apparently we didn’t so much. 90% of our book sales are Ebooks and that’s great, but we still have people wanting the physical book and would hate to miss out on another college or medical group wanting to do a mass order. We’ve talked with other authors that go through Amazon to print their books and some that go locally and ship their own books. I’m not sure what path Christine and Christopher will decide on. I know they’ll ask us all for ideas. Since we’re out at our publishing warehouse, I say order the minimum. I think it’s 100. That will buy us time to research a different route for the next print cycle which will be more economical for us. Just thinking out loud… T-Man (Alter Tristan)

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Alter SHE: Multiple Personalities Artwork

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

dissociative identity disorder, iamWE, multiple personality disorder

Hey it’s Alter SHE sharing some more D.I.D/M.P.D artwork that I found on a google search under multiple personality disorder artwork. I think most of these are new pics and not ones I’ve shared from Pinterest.

Image result for multiple personality disorder artwork

Image result for multiple personality disorder artwork

Image result for multiple personality disorder artwork

Image result for multiple personality disorder artwork

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Alter Q: Neva Danielle

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamwebook

Hi it is Alter Q. I woke this morning in my internal room with tears streaming down my face. The words, “She’s not for you. She’s not for you.” Were repeating in mind. It took moment for me realize I was dreaming. Then images and memories of entire dream make me cry more. This part not a dream – our dear friend has daughter who is having her first child. She has most adorable baby bump and there is much talk about baby this and baby that. As many know, I have always wanted to be Mom. Alter Cyndi’s arrival allowed me the closest experience will have at being a mother. In my dream, our friend’s daughter made choice to give baby up for adoption. We (myself, Christopher, Cita and the Gang) offered to raise the child as our own. I would be the “mom”, but her bio mom and family would be a part of the babies life as much as they could be. We would be tribe and give this baby a beautiful life. The baby was a girl and we named her Neva Danielle. Neva after a dear friend of Christine’s from school and Danielle after her bio-mom. It amazing to me how real dreams can be. I felt the warmth of this tiny being; the softness of her skin and counted each adorable tiny toe. Neva was able to recognize each of our voices and even Alter Cyndi was guided on the correct way to hold a baby. Between us all and both families, Neva never knew for want. But then something changed in my dream and people came and took her away from me. They kept saying, “She’s not for you. She’s not for you.” Then I woke feeling empty and incredibly sad; mourning a baby that is not mine.

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Christine: IOOV

Posted on by Christine Pattillo

multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamWE

I’ve been doing IOOV (In Our Own Voice) presentations for over a year, through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). It’s the program where we share our story and show a corresponding video of others sharing their stories. Anyway, the past year, I have been having difficulty following through. This set-up has always been uncomfortable for me, because 99% of the time we are presenting to patients in an in-patient mental health environment. For some reason, it’s uncomfortable for me. Others in the program really enjoy the setting and feel quite inspirational. There are lots of reasons for my insecurities, but these past few months have been even harder because of the depression. I seem to find any reason to not attend the dates I’m assigned. Our dog passing, Vincent’s health, etc…. This last time my partner had a scheduling conflict and I didn’t want to do it solo. I could have, but I truly just didn’t want to be there. I know I should step back, but they are short-handed. Yet, my 1 or maybe 2 x’s a month of inconsistent attendance isn’t working either. I present better to caregivers; doctors, nurses, 1st responders. I tried changing my presentation from D.I.D which is hard to explain in the short amount of time we’re given, plus after every presentation I have patients asking me if it’s possible that they have D.I.D.? I don’t know how to answer and feel uncomfortable with just saying, “I am not able to diagnose. You’ll need to continue to work with your medical and mental health providers to confirm your conditions.” “Yeah, I know I just meant, from your perspective. This is what I’m experiencing….. ” Again I have to reply, “I’m sorry, your diagnosis is not something I’m allowed to discuss….” Feels shallow to me, but true. The past two presentations I changed it to depression. I think for this format it works a lot better for me, but then I feel like I am not there for those few that actually need to hear from someone with D.I.D. I guess I need to do what’s most comfortable for me, for now.

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