Christine: IOOV

multiple personalities, dissociative identity disorder, iamWE

I’ve been doing IOOV (In Our Own Voice) presentations for over a year, through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). It’s the program where we share our story and show a corresponding video of others sharing their stories. Anyway, the past year, I have been having difficulty following through. This set-up has always been uncomfortable for me, because 99% of the time we are presenting to patients in an in-patient mental health environment. For some reason, it’s uncomfortable for me. Others in the program really enjoy the setting and feel quite inspirational. There are lots of reasons for my insecurities, but these past few months have been even harder because of the depression. I seem to find any reason to not attend the dates I’m assigned. Our dog passing, Vincent’s health, etc…. This last time my partner had a scheduling conflict and I didn’t want to do it solo. I could have, but I truly just didn’t want to be there. I know I should step back, but they are short-handed. Yet, my 1 or maybe 2 x’s a month of inconsistent attendance isn’t working either. I present better to caregivers; doctors, nurses, 1st responders. I tried changing my presentation from D.I.D which is hard to explain in the short amount of time we’re given, plus after every presentation I have patients asking me if it’s possible that they have D.I.D.? I don’t know how to answer and feel uncomfortable with just saying, “I am not able to diagnose. You’ll need to continue to work with your medical and mental health providers to confirm your conditions.” “Yeah, I know I just meant, from your perspective. This is what I’m experiencing….. ” Again I have to reply, “I’m sorry, your diagnosis is not something I’m allowed to discuss….” Feels shallow to me, but true. The past two presentations I changed it to depression. I think for this format it works a lot better for me, but then I feel like I am not there for those few that actually need to hear from someone with D.I.D. I guess I need to do what’s most comfortable for me, for now.

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